ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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