I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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