The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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