You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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