Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
