My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
