after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
