Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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