Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
