My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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