Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
