woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
