I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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