I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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