I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
