Me. At least after what I've been through.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
