I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
