I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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