Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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