True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
