So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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