If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
