Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize