I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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