super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
