every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Im part way to drunk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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