I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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