i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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