remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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