Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
