ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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