I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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