dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
