u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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