there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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