well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
