Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
