sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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