I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize