mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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