just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
