Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
