How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
