I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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