Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You smell like stripper and shame
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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