I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
