I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
