420 ftw
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
