Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sarcasm needs its own font
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
