Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
