it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
