i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
