Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
