I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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