So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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