I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
