i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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