do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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