he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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