It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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