I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How naked do you want me to be?
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