I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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