Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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