Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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