he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
