Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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