im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
