Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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