it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
