I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
