is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize