Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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